show me the reason ]sync[

[Myssi]

He used to smile.

Sometimes he wondered if he remembered how. Before them, he'd been cheerful, if not a little shy and somewhat withdrawn. But then this whole damn piece of chaos had started, and Chris had lost himself in his own tide of emotions.

It had been a month since he'd been released from the hospital. A month since he'd decided he'd wanted to die.

The decision had been at the hospital, when he'd been sick. He'd hoped the illness would take his life for him, but his damn immune system had prevailed. So now, he was forced to do it himself. It had been a month since his last decent meal, since his stomach had last been full. The hungar gnawed at his ribs now, clawed his insides to ragged bits of flesh. Insomnia claimed him not long afterward, as evident from the dark, bruising circles under his eyes. But even that hadn't been enough.

So he'd taken to blades.

Chris took no pleasure from the metal. He didn't find the crimson seeping over his pale skin rewarding. He found it another failure, another way of proving he didn't have the guts to even relieve this world of his miserable self.

At present, he was berating himself yet again, sitting on the bleachers of the school's staduim, staring at his abused forearms with dark eyes, his bangs - grown long and untidy - falling over the orbs, shielding them from the outside world. His t-shirt fell over the slender frame in such a way as to show the extent of his starvation, and the circles under his eyes stood out in stark contrast against his pale face.

The angry red lines from the result of his cutting cirss-crossed over the flesh of his forearms like ugly battle wounds. He hated them, but didn't wish them away. They served to remind him of what he would never have, and of his own uncertainties, his confusion, and most of all, how worthless he was.

How badly he just wanted it all to end.

[Sync]

His fingers grazed the tender skin of his cheek gently, a wince over taking him immediately. Yesterday, he'd managed to infuriate Connor Greene to the point of punching him. If it hadn't been for Jay's quick thinking, he was pretty sure he'd have a broken nose right now. After the meeting, Jay had been rightfully more subdue. The whispers had followed him where ever he went, which had escalated to a shouting match when he'd paid a visit to his brother yesterday evening. Jay sighed, turning his vehicle into the drive way of Park. He'd spent the night at Hayden's, not being bothered about returning last night. He kinda wished he had though, after the earful he received from his brother about his argument with Connor. Finally, after promising to leave the other boy alone at least for a little while, Hayden had dropped the subject. Parking his car in the student parking lot, he climbed out silently and closed the door carefully. Reluctant to go to his dorm room just yet, or to the barns as he knew his three horses would have already been fed, he decided on the playing field. The bleachers were an excellent place to wallow in self pity. He knew the place well.

The sports center was still pretty empty, probably due to the fact that it was still relatively early. Regulars, such as Jonah Weaver and Clarissa Ferenc, were working out in the gym as they usually did each morning. Jay paid them no attention, cutting through the currently empty basket ball court and out the back doors that would open up on to the field. Early morning runners cast him curious looks as he briskly walked past. Clenching his fists briefly before letting himself relax, he carried on toward the bleachers without a glance at any other students. Pausing as he reached the bottom of them, he glanced up and frowned a little. His oracles found another student sat there easily, Allowing him to quickly identify the person as Chris Evans. Jay's expression softened immediately. He, and the rest of the college, had heard of the boys trouble over the past year. Jay had always sympathized with the younger male. He knew what it was like to have his heart broken, which was one of the main reasons he hadn't said much about Chris, Ieuan and Max's situation. With a deep breath, Jay began to climb the bleachers to where Chris was sat.

"I've been there, y'know." he said softly as he sat almost silently beside the boy. Though taller than Jay, there was no doubt that Chris was scrawnier. He looked horrendous, but Jay doubted that he wanted to hear that. Looking down at the angry crimson marks littering the boys forearms caused Jay's own to burn in remembrance. He wasn't proud of what he'd done when Spencer had left, but the self harm had made him feel the worst. Subconsciously pulling the arms of his jacket further down, he spoke again in the same, soft vocals you wouldn't think he could possess. "It doesn't help, if anything it makes it worse." He offered, nodding his head to Chris's marked arms. He thought back to his own situation, his expression falling blank though his eyes shone with a pain he'd managed to hide so well over the past two years. He'd taken no pleasure in cutting when he'd done it, he hadn't understood why some would say it was a pleasurable experience. He'd only kept doing it because he felt he deserved it. He also seemed to believe that the more pain he inflicted, the closer he'd be to getting Spencer back. Drawing in a shuddering breath, he mentally thanked Hayden again for dragging him out of his spiraling downfall and angled himself directly to Chris.

"You're not worthless like you think you are. In fact, I believe that personally you are one of the strongest people I've ever come across." Jay told the blonde haired boy seriously, not caring whether he was bothering to listen or not. He just knew that Chris needed a few kind words right now. "You've been through so much Chris, and you deserve to feel worn out, frustrated and angered. But it's no excuse to end a life." he told the boy, I learnt that the hard way. he added mentally. Though he knew he should probably establish some sort of physical contact to reassure the boy, he didn't want to overwhelm him. Keeping his eyes on the boy, he watched him carefully to gauge reactions from him. His expression wasn't one of pity, and no longer was it sympathetic. It was just one of understanding. Jay understood what the boy was going through, all he wanted to do was allow Chris to get it off his chest. But he wasn't going to force him, and he wouldn't blame Chris if he didn't trust Jay. He didn't have the best reputation, he knew that. He just hoped the male would realize he was being sincere.