I care too much, That's my downfall// (Lottii)

[Sync]

*I'll watch the night turn light-blue

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But it's not the same without you~[/font]
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Pour me a heavy dose of
A T M O S P H E R E*

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The urge to scream was becoming unbearable, her fists were clenched tightly at her sides as she walked alone through town. Her usual companion, Thyme, was not with her. The reason was that she needed to be alone for a while. Her unusually flat oracles cast a glance up and down the road before crossing, skirting around two young boys on bikes and continued forward at a sluggish pace. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip as she walked, her woolen hat falling slightly forward on her head which made her sight lessen minimally. It was late afternoon, her chores for the day were done, for which she was glad. Well, the chores that she was required to do. Although both Riddle and Whisper needed a good working, she couldn't work up the energy to do so. Her nights were becoming more and more restless, her hallucinations beginning to creep back due to the stress of having to work with seven, sometimes more when requested by other students or staff, horses at one time. The young vixen was just glad that Theo and Maggie were not hers, yet she couldn't bring herself to shunning them. She loved her five equines equally, even if each had a problem she had worked through, and still was with Fade and Riddle alike. The problems couldn't be more different. Fade needed to come out of her shell and have a little more fun, where as Riddle needed to do the opposite. Sighing, she felt her nails cut into her palms. Instead of releasing, she dug them in harder, no emotion spreading over her face as she did so.

She gave a slight nod to a woman that lived near her grandfather as she walked into Willow Lake. The woman has three dogs with her, all seemingly mutts and rather large. They'd give both Yogi and Thyme a run for their money. Two were slender, the other bulky, a rottweiler build if you will. Patting the more muscled canine as she passed, she frowned when she saw the blood mark his pelt. Wiping it off as unsuspectingly as she could, she held her fists at her sides when the woman turned around. Giving a small smile once more, she straightened up and walked further into the park, watching other dogs and their owners running around. It was a crisp day, it was soon venturing into early Winter. The air was almost bitter, yet it was beautiful. The sun shone brightly over head, creating wonderful patterning on the ground and enhancing the pretty autumn oranges, yellows and reds. But, even that couldn't lessen the negative feelings she had balling up in her stomach. Due to her mass of work, horses and school she had had little time to spend with Harry. This made her worry deeply, and also made her disorder worse. Without Harry around, her mind began to become overactive again. Still, she hadn't told Harry of her schizophrenia, but it was becoming more and more active that she didn't know how much longer she could hide it. She was so grateful when her hallucinations didn't form when she was around him.

Placing herself gently onto the picnic bench which sat on the far side of the lake that was situated right in the center of the park. She could see everything from where she was sat, but was unsure if they could see her. Glancing around, she was glad that nobody was there with her. Uncurling her hands, she stared at her now blood soaked hands. Closing her eyes in despair, she began to shake. It wasn't too bad, but visible. Her oracles stayed locked on her hands, her skinny frame seeming to shrink the longer she stared, as if the injury belittled her. The femme's black ringed oracles were now filled with a harsh, regretful flame, angry at herself for not stopping. She did not cry though, she was past that. Instead, she pulled her feet up onto the bench she was sat on and perched there expertly. Her arms wrapped around her legs, keeping her blood stained her hands from them, and placed her chin onto her knees. Staring ahead of her, her pale face angled a little upward as if to try and catch the sun subconsciously. Her hat slipped slowly from her head, yet she didn't care. She heard the soft thump as the woolen material hit the floor. No attempt to fetch it was made, she decided she would just let her loosely curled locks splay over her shoulders and down her back, constantly reminding herself to pick up the hat before she left. She wondered how long she would be able to stick staying still before giving up and going to see the horses, yet again.

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NOTES;; Quite like it until the ending o.O
WORDS;; 798
CLOTHES;; Coming soon
TAG;; Lottii
CREDIT;; Caitlin_Express@CAUTION2.0
LYRICS;; Vanilla Twilight;; Owl City
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[Lottii]

Harry left the warmth of the tack store behind him as he ventured outside. With a quick glance at his truck in the parking lot, he turned away from it towards the park. He was pleased that he had secured a job at Hooves and Tails, the remainder of the allowance money from the social services he had been saving was dwindling to nothing at an alarming rate. His feet treaded softly along the ground, and it wasn't long before his mind slipped away into more normal thoughts. The boy had barely seen Remii for days, she was so busy now with her grandfather and all the horses. He couldn't bring himself to feel bad towards Evan though, Remii clearly loved him dearly, the only family she had. Running his fingers through his messy, dirty blond hair, he wondered how the girl he loved was coping with the strain. Probably not too well, and he made a mental note to go and find her today, see if there was anything he could do to help.

Harry stopped abruptly as two boys nearly ran him over, clearly showing off to each other on their bikes. It never failed to amuse him how much he could blend into scenery, especially now with his tall frame. Shaking his head in disbelief, it took only seconds for his thoughts to return to Remii. Even when he had managed to get a few moments with her, she didn't quite seem herself, and he had put it down to the strain she was under. But there was a little niggling thought that just wouldn't go away, that something more serious was going on.

Reaching Willow Lake, he glanced around the pretty scene. His favorite place in the park was over the other side of the lake, where there some benches and old trees which were lovely to sit under, especially at this time of year. The various shades of oranges and reds covered the ground, and this caught his attention so that he was halfway round the lake by the time he noticed Remii.

His eyes quickly took in her appearance, curled up tight, her hat laying neglected on the floor and her hands deliberately avoiding her legs. Harry increased his pace to a jog, less worried about moving silently now. After all, he would hate to startle her when the girl seemed to be feeling rather fragile. Sitting down next to her, he saw the one thing that made a flare of anger instantly rise through his chest, Remii's bleeding palms. "It's k," the murmer escaped from Harry's lips as his arms cradled her scrunched up form to his body.

[Sync]

*I'll watch the night turn light-blue

[/size]
But it's not the same without you~[/font]
[/center]

Pour me a heavy dose of
A T M O S P H E R E*

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Her mind was blank as she sat staring. She registered the approach of feet, and knew by the increase of speed that it was Harry. Nobody else would have been worried about her unless it was her grandfather. But, she knew he was in the next town over visiting friends who'd moved there years ago. She knew her bloody palms would annoy him, and tried to hide them but she knew he'd seen them. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip and when his arms went around her. She leaned stiffly against him, unable to relax enough to enjoy his embrace as she usually would. He spoke, again no suitable reaction left her. The tears had began to form in her eyes though, slowly running down her cheeks. Emotions all of a sudden flew at her violently. Anger, frustration, annoyance, depression and fear. There were quiet sobs forming in her throat, she buried her face into his shoulder as she cried. Her hands were still hanging loosely at her sides, she could feel blood trickling from the open wounds. They were much more serious than usual, but right now she couldn't care less.

Finally, the sobs ceased. She pulled her head away from his shoulder and looked at him briefly. Then her oracles found the ground again, she knew he'd have an inkling what was wrong with her, he knew her too well. But he didn't know how bad it had been affected her, she'd done her best to try and hide it. She had no paper to scrawl on, so she resorted to words. "It's all too much Harry. They are all physically draining me. The trouble is, I can't give up any of them. They are too dear to me." she said softly, her black locks falling to hide her face. Her hands came in front of her face, causing her to wince when she saw how deep they had been cut. At least three of them would need stitches, and she now knew where she would be spending her evening. The blood was beginning to crust, becoming uncomfortable in texture. Her one hand traced the cuts on the other, making her suck in a deep breath as pain struck her. Placing them back to her side, she looked back up to Harry. As she took him in, she realized how much she'd missed having him around. He was the one person that kept her sane, even if they both had their own psychological problems. The balanced each other out perfectly. With out him around, well you only had to look at her now to see what a mess she became.

"I need to lessen my responsibilities." she said, more to herself than anything. She ran through with what she could do, and every time the thought of selling one of her horses crept into her mind it made her oracles fill with tears once more. She wondered if she could place Whisper with her grandfather. It would be a good idea, and the Friesian didn't really like his stall anyway so the need for a new one to be build wasn't existent. But, if Whisper went, so did Riddle as they were inseparable. And if Riddle went, so did Fade. Remii sighed, there seemed to be a dead end to every solution. Maybe she was just being difficult, but she just couldn't bring herself to split them up. Looking at Harry questioningly, she wondered if he had any input. She hoped he did, she really needed a little help right now. She could always give one of the horses to the college, which she had been planning to do when Fade was broken and had a little life in her. It was taking much longer than she had expected, so she was still burdened with all five. And now with Theo.. Oh lord. She gave a frustrated sort of hiss, looking up at the sky as if it had the answers written all over it. It didn't.

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NOTES;; Hate it "/
WORDS;; 670
CLOTHES;; click?!
TAG;; Lottii
CREDIT;; Caitlin_Express@CAUTION2.0
LYRICS;; Vanilla Twilight;; Owl City
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[Lottii]

Harry's body shuddered slightly as he realized his speech had made no positive effect on the girl. For the first time ever. Her body was stiff next to his, and he was just debating releasing his arm when the first sob escaped her lips. And then she relaxed towards him, the emotions overwhelming her. For now he would just sit and wait, he couldn't spare a moment for the people who told people to stop crying when they were emotional. As far as the boy was concerned, crying was beneficial. Even if it was a rare occurrence for him. As the sobs faded, he turned to look at her. He knew something was wrong, and his mind was flashing through the possibilities, from likely to unlikely. Harry's first thought was that something had happened to Evan, her grandfather, or one of the horses, but it didn't seem to be that sort of upset.

It didn't take long for him to happen across the idea that her spoken words confirmed. She couldn't cope anymore. With all the pressures on Remii's life - five horses of her own, two she cared for related to classes, Thyme, Evan and Harry - she just couldn't cope. It wasn't really surprising, but to Harry, Remii had always been his pillar of strength, despite knowing the girl was rather fragile herself. But for some reason unknown to him, he had an inkling there was something underlying going on. If he was being honest, that suspicion had been there for a long while, appearing on numerous occasions when they were back at school. Harry's motto on life was that if someone wants to share something, they will. So he had never questioned it. Those occasions arose in his mind, the rumors of her running out of classes, the moments when he had found her with her mind a mess. He shook them for his head, his panic suddenly rising as he glimpsed her palms once again. It was something Harry had grown used to, Remii's form of self-injury. This time though, it looked pretty serious and his first urge was to drag her to the hospital. Sensibility kicked in, that wouldn't achieve anything with Remii, not in finding out the problems and helping wherever he could. While he had been thinking silently, she spoke again, and this time he separated his hands which were interlocked around Remii and used one to find a piece of paper and rest it on his knee. He scribbled out a note, his fear stopping any chance of him speaking. Is there anything I could do to help? You know I would always look after one of your horses if you wanted, it's a better alternative to considering selling them. Harry ceased writing for a second, and then added just another sentence, but one that might upset her further. There's not anything else you want to tell me, is there?[/i]

He thought about his offer to look after one of Remii's horses. Oscar was a well-mannered gelding, the only horse Harry had ever known Casey to get on with. And the pair had been joined at the hip since the day they met. In practically any other situation, the thought would raise a smile to his lips. But with the girl in his arms the way she was, smiles were not on the top of his agenda. The boy's eyes dropped once again to her palms, at least the bleeding seemed to be stopping now. But some looked like they might need stitches. As soon as the girl was feeling better, Harry would take her down to the hospital, and if he could be brave enough, let Evan know how she was feeling. The older man might worry him significantly, but he wanted him to know Harry's explanation of how Remii had been, not Remii's most likely edited down version. With an inward sigh, he waited to see her response to his note, placing it on her leg.

[Sync]

*I'll watch the night turn light-blue

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But it's not the same without you~[/font]
[/center]

Pour me a heavy dose of
A T M O S P H E R E*

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Her eyes went back to him, watching as he pulled out a piece of paper. She couldn't stop the small smile appearing on her lips as he did so. She picked up on his pause, and then he added to the note. He then placed it on her knee. She didn't look at it just yet, she kept her eyes on him briefly. She could feel his oracles on her hands, which made her clench them slightly, before releasing when pain shot through her arms and up to her shoulders. Finally picking up the paper, she took her time reading the words he had written upon it. The offer made a smile grace her lips, it seemed like a perfect solution. Picking up the pen that he had used to write, she added the word 'Oscar' under his first couple of sentences. She had deliberately avoided reading the second part of the note, knowing that it probably had something on there that she wasn't as willing to share. Biting her lip, she let her oracles grace the writing and then they closed tightly. She knew it was coming. Her behavior had sometimes been unexplainable. She clasped her hands together to stop herself worsening the cuts on them by digging in her nails once more. Finally, with a deep breath, her oracles opened once more. She met his gaze and released her hands, before writing on the paper once again. I'm a Schizophrenic. she wrote, handing him back the note.

She stood up suddenly, feeling as if the distance between her and Harry was suffocating. Vacating the bench, she stood a little to the left from him, just out of reach. She wasn't entirely sure why she was doing so, she had an idea it was due to what she had just informed Harry about. Stooping down to pick up the hat that had fallen from her cranium not long ago, she placed it back upon her head. Standing straight up once more, her stance was much more awkward that it usually was around Harry. She hadn't even been this uncomfortable when they first met. She had the urge to flee, but she also knew he was going to insist on her going to the hospital to have her hands stitched. She also knew that, deep down, he wasn't going to act, like her mind thought he would, about her admission to him. Sighing deeply, slumping her shoulders a little in a sign of relief. Slowly, the weight of her disorder had began to lift from her shoulders. Walking back to the bench, she placed herself gently back onto it. Not as close as she had been to Harry, but close enough. She made no attempt to grasp his hand though, which she wanted to do. She didn't want to get him covered in her blood. "Sorry for not telling you sooner." she said, almost inaudibly. Looking from the corner of her eye to him, a faint smile lifted at her chewed up lips. It was wiped away though by the pains in her ripped up hands, which seemed to be getting worse.

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NOTES;; Tis okay.. Will be better, hopefully.
WORDS;; 522
CLOTHES;; click?!
TAG;; Lottii
CREDIT;; Caitlin_Express@CAUTION2.0
LYRICS;; Vanilla Twilight;; Owl City
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[Lottii]

He watched her face as she read his note, three years of fine-tuning reading emotions - her emotions - meant he could pick up on a few things. She was reluctant to read the second half, but a smile flickered on his face and he nodded to the suggestion of Oscar. His mare and the gelding got on beautifully, and he was more than willing to care for the horse. When she finally let her eyes read the addition, he kept his eyes on her rather than her reply until she passed it back to him. From her movements he knew she was worried about this part, something was obviously wrong then. A dozen thoughts danced through his mind as to what could be that matter, but her reply wasn't one of them. Reading through it, she was a schizophrenic. That was deal-able with, completely. Harry had often suspected something similar, but had never brought it up. It was kind of a confirmation that he didn't really want to have. He smiled reassuringly at her, hoping to get across that this fact didn't change anything. The boy felt how tense she was, and his brows furrowed when she moved away and then stood up. For a while, it was awkward between them, and Remii took the opportunity to retrieve her hat from the ground.

When she was seated near to him again, she seemed to have understood that Harry wasn't going to react badly to the news. He wondered if he should hug her, but refrained, instead listening to the words of her apology. "Ts'okay" The reply slipped from his mouth instantly, several words blurring into one. It shocked him, not the content, but that the reply was spoken so readily. He pondered it for a brief moment, before coming to his conclusion. The need to comfort Remii had overpowered the anxiety that restrained him from speaking. In any other situation his new found ability to speak without debating it in his head fifty times first would have amazed him, but he didn't dwell on it. His attention lingered again on her hands, and he softly placed one of his on her wrist, ready to turn over her hand if she would willingly allow him to. "Hospital?" he questioned in little more than a whisper. Harry didn't think she would want to go, but from the glimpses he had caught, her palms would require a couple of stitches. His eyes searched her face, wondering if she was finding the comfort in him that he so often relied on finding in her.

[Sync]

*I'll watch the night turn light-blue

[/size]
But it's not the same without you~[/font]
[/center]

Pour me a heavy dose of
A T M O S P H E R E*

[/size][/center]

His smile did little to reassure her. But, she had relaxed due to it. The fact that her words had encouraged an immediate reply made a smile spread over her features. She chuckled at the surprise on his own face. His oracles fell upon her hands again, but this time she didn't pull them away. His hand fell gently against her wrist, and his touch relaxed her more rather than making her freeze as she had earlier. He spoke again, raising another smile to her lips before it fell flat when she realized what he had said. Pondering at a deliberately slow speed, she eventually nodded reluctantly. Rising from the bench, pulling Harry up with her due to the fact that his hand was still around her wrist. Picking his fingers from around her wrist, she then linked her arm though his. She would have like to hold his hand, but the blood was still seeping slightly. She didn't want to cover him in it as well. She was much more happy in herself now. The weight that had hung upon her shoulders for so long had finally began to lift. She realized that she was even standing up a little straighter, holding her head a little higher. Apparently it wasn't just a mental weight. Looking up to Harry, she smiled softly. Reaching up on her tip toes as the walked, she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. She lingered for a while before dropping herself down and grinning at him. It was her way of saying thank you, and she had no doubt that he wouldn't get it.

They walked slowly toward the hospital. The closer they got, the more reluctant Remii became. Her brow furrowed as they reached the entrance of A&E. She stopped, looking over her shoulder to see if she could make a break for it. As if to remind her, her hands pulsed painfully. Muttering under her breath, she walked in though the sliding doors. Casting a glance up to Harry, she then slipped her arm from out of his, and strode to the reception. Without a word, she lifted her hands and showed them to the woman. She saw the disapproval on the woman's face, which made Remii smirk even then. The woman pointed at the hard, uncomfortable chairs and Remii followed her directions. Rejoining Harry, she pulled him to come and sit down. As they did, she leaned against his side. She may be a comfort to him, but he had no idea how much of one he was to her.

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NOTES;; Hate this "/ o.O Maybe you could post Maria as stitching up her hands?
WORDS;; 430
CLOTHES;; click?!
TAG;; Lottii
CREDIT;; Caitlin_Express@CAUTION2.0
LYRICS;; Vanilla Twilight;; Owl City
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