lost [open]

[Onzy]

Zoe headed into the stable block, seeking the grey head of the gelding that she was now riding. Stellan wasn't hers, he was Dafydd's, but he had captured her heart. His kind eye had reminded her of Pegasus, and at the thought of the name, a sharp pang rose into her chest. She hoped that the fact that she was now riding Dafydd's gelding that the large crevice between them could be mended. So she had been a total bitch when she came to the college and she thought that life was going to be a heck of a lot easier than what it was in Scotland, but how wrong she was. Zoe was lonely. Nobody actually liked her, and she was starting to feel unwelcome. If it wasn't for Caleb, she would have left a long time ago. She wasn't sure where she stood with Caleb either. Fuck buddies, came into her mind, and she looked forlorn at the thought. Yes, she was Caleb's fuck buddy. If the dark and brooding male had wanted anything else he would have said so and he didn't, so he was content with just the sex. Sex that he could get from Brooke and Savvy.

The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to just pack her things and leave. Nobody wanted her here. Most people had expressed that thought quite clearly. She sat alone at lunch, she rode alone and lately her bed was empty too. See, not even Caleb wants you, a voice snarled at her, and Zoe brushed away a tear. It was true. She knew it. Nobody wanted her. Taking Pegasus, she defied the most basic of barn rules. She was going to go riding by herself, regardless of what had happened a few months earlier. The trails didn't seem daunting. Hopping onto Stellan, she guided him onto the Woodland trail, humming to herself. She was riding blind. No idea of what direction she was going in and no markers to guide her back.

It started drizzling, and after about twenty minutes, Zoe was soaked to the bone. Still she urged Stellan on, the gelding becoming more nervous under her. At one point, she got off and when a roll of booming thunder pealed across the sky, he broke loose and took off in the direction that he had come. Not even he wants me, she murmured to herself. No thoughts connected in her head, and it was the reason she continued tramping on the trail, tears mingling with rain and wet hair plastered to her head.

For Zoe, she didn't know how she ended up on the ground, and when she stood, a sharp pain shot up her left leg. Reckless! that voice shouted at her, and she whimpered in response. By now, someone should have noticed she was gone? It must have been an hour or more already. Now she was limping towards cover of some sort, the darkness setting in. She was tired, wet and hungry. She wanted her brother. Most of all she wanted Caleb. The rain had not abated. The wind had picked up and she was still wet. Shivering almost uncontrollably, Zoe willed herself to stay awake, but her eyes were closing on their own. Stay awake fool! she heard, and she did just that. She was awake. For now.

[Sync]

Caleb had felt different over the past few weeks. He didn’t really understand what was going on, so had pushed away everything and remained from sight as much as he could. The constant phone calls from either Savvy or Brooke, begging him to satisfy their needs, hadn’t helped. He felt anger every time their name appeared on his phone instead of the one he really wanted. Every time his phone buzzed, he expected it to be Zoe. The disappointment he felt every time it wasn’t physically hurt him. He was also one to blame though. He hadn’t made the effort to contact her; he’d been avoiding her if the truth be told. He had no idea where he stood with her; she was a mystery to him most of the time. Caleb himself was a man of few words and always had a dark and brooding air to him. He did, however, usually have a good sense of what others felt and wanted. Zoe was just an exception.

The lithe male dropped his backpack in his room and changed into his riding gear. He knew that Alisa needed a good work out, and decided to take advantage of the arena. It had started drizzling as he’d come back from class, so the trails would have been out of the question. Plus, he had nobody to go with. Sighing softly, he headed down to the barns at a slow, careful pace. He was in no rush, he currently had all the time in the world. The rain had picked up quite a bit, but still the male did not hurry. Hardly any other students or teachers passed Caleb as he strode toward the barns. If they did, they didn’t realise who he was. The black haired, blue eyed, man had the hood of his jacket pulled up and his face mostly covered by it too. Trudging into the barn, his eyes dull with disappointment when he didn’t spot Zoe at all upon entrance. If he was lucky, he often caught sight of her around the barns. She didn’t often see him, and he liked it that way.

Caleb had just been about to walk up to Alisa’s stall when he heard the frantic clatter of hooves coming toward the barn. Turning to see a soaked through grey rushing toward him, he held his arms up to catch the brute’s attention. Seeing that it was Stellan, the horse Zoe had been riding over the past few weeks, Caleb’s eyes widened. He knew it couldn’t have been Dafydd riding the horse, as he’d just passed him on the way to the barns. So it must have been Zoe. Looking down at Stellan’s legs, he saw the mud caked upon his legs. There was only one trail that caused that much mud during a rainy day, causing Caleb’s eyes to widen with panic. “Bloody idiot.” He growled, grabbing Stellan’s reins and mounting him. He felt the horse’s reluctance, but he just didn’t have time to go and tack up Alisa. Asking him to canter, they made their way to the trail quickly.

They followed the hoof prints that were obviously Stellan’s as far as they could, Caleb’s eyes zeroing in on each one. It was obvious where Stellan had turned, and Zoe had started walking on her own. The two sets of prints turned into one, and then stopped all together. It seemed that she must have fallen, causing his expression to grow in distress. The anger still sat heavily in the back of his mind, but his priority was finding her right now. Soothing Stellan, who’s nerves picked up rapidly as the weather seemed to grow in fury, Caleb decided to call out for her. “Zoe! Zoe?! Can you hear me?!” He called out loudly, his eyes darting around frantically. Urging Stellan forward a little, he continued calling out her name, long pauses in between to listen for any sort of reply.

[Onzy]

Zoe curled into a small ball at the base of the tree she was sitting against. The cold had set into her and it stayed there, and after a while the memories set in. Her ankle ached, a deep throbbing from the bone. She could hardly move it by now. Everything about her was wet, and now more than ever she was blaming her self for the stupid behaviour. What lecture would she get from the people around her? Would they even find her before it was too late? She was tired. She just wanted to close her eyes and sleep. Sleeping seemed like a good idea. Shut down her body functions for a while and conserve the energy she needed to conserve.

"I hate you Jax! Why can't you just die and leave me alone?!" a younger blond shouted at her brother. He was disapproving of her lifestyle choices and thought her giving up riding for the sake of her art was a big mistake. He had found her cigarettes and now was lecturing in front of the entire riding community. Was she a disappointment to her brother? Didn't he want her around any more? After she said those words, she stormed off to the stands, her cheeks flushed with anger. She had a front row seat to her brother's round. He had taken over Kris's round after she had started throwing up a few hours earlier. There was a general excitement, Jax and Kris thinking that she was pregnant again. Zoe waited until her brother made his appearance on Pegasus, the grey stallion looking regal in the ring. His neck arched proudly and the spot light was on him. Jax looked calm as always, and soon they were jumping the grand prix course. Then came the oxer. Zoe knew that Pegasus sometimes struggled with oxer's, but maybe he would clear it this time. The jump was right in front of where she was. Pegasus had a clean take off, but his hind legs caught in the poles. In an almost perfect front flip, the grey went over, Jax landing directly underneath the stallion. The crowd was stunned into silence and sprinting ahead of the paramedics was Kris. Zoe couldn't do much more, but watch. Watch as they covered up the body and Kris refusing to let go of the black haired male.

Zoe was crying as she remembered, but the hot tears numbed her cheeks. The she heard a voice, calling her name. It sounded so familiar, so much like Caleb that she just ignored it. Why would he come looking for her? There was no reason for anybody to be looking for her. None at all.

The day of the funeral was the worst. Everybody who knew Jax had made the effort to come to the funeral in Edinburgh. Kris seemed so lost without him, and Zoe felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Dressed in black she watched as the coffin was lowered into the ground. The wake had been closed casket. Kris was the only one that knew what Jax looked like in his final moments of life and she refused to speak about it. "Rather remember him as the laughing Jax," Kris had told her, and Zoe could only remember him like that. As a keep sake, she had pulled tail hairs from all Jax's horses and plaited them together to wear it as a bangle. She played with it now as she sat behind a tombstone, escaping the pain that was with the people-

Zoe touched her wrist. The bangle was still there. The voice was still there. Caleb, her dark angel, was really looking for her? She couldn't find the words to answer him. They all stuck in her throat, and it was impossible to get them out.

She awoke in a tangle of sheets. An arm was slung casually across her waist. Her body was decorated with love bites, mostly across her ribs and abdomen and others on the inside of her thighs. Cautiously, she looked across the person next to her. The dark hair was certainly Caleb's. There was no one else at the College that peaked her interest. Oh heck. The sex was simply fantastic. He made sure that it was all about her and in return, Zoe made sure that she could please him. Once more she wished that she had the courage to go long term, but it betrayed her. Slipping out of the bed, she pulled on her discarded clothes from the night before and slipped out of his room with a longing look.

Now she was sure that it was Caleb. Gathering up her strength that she had left, Zoe called to him as loudly as she could. Caleb! I'm here! she managed, but she was exhausted by that small effort.

[Sync]

Caleb’s stress levels were now going through the roof, his whole frame tense with fear. She wasn’t answering him, and his mind was racing to the worst possible conclusions. Dismounting Stellan, but keeping a firm hold on his reins, Caleb murmured to the grey to keep him calm. “Calm boy. It’s just the wind.” Continuing to call out for Zoe, he grew more and more anxious. Forcing himself to relax some more, he started exploring between the trees and wilderness, hoping for some more clues.

As his desperation grew, flashbacks of his times with Zoe assaulted him. Each one was like a painful blow delivered straight to his heart. Images of him watching her leave when she believed him to be sleeping; the pain in both of their eyes as she stepped out the door. The knowing glances they shared across the barn, hallways or classrooms. Ones that would result in a quick, but passionate tryst. The kisses that held more than Caleb wanted them too, filled with promises of things he never believed he could have with her. With these thoughts, he made a resolution to make her his and his alone. But he really needed her in his arms, knowing that she was safe, before he did anything.

His searching grew more and more frantic, his shouting louder until he was almost bellowing. He paused, and finally heard the voice he’d been waiting for. Relief clouded his expression as he trotted Stellan over to where he heard Zoe’s voice, the feeling almost echoing on the grey’s features. Caleb had no time to dwell on that though, he had to get to her. It was the strongest need he’d ever felt, and that scared him more than anything. He made a strangled noise of relief as his eyes fell on her, dropping the reins of Stellan and moving toward her. Crouching down, he gathered her in his arms and just held her, not saying anything.

“Don’t ever do that again Zoe.” He murmured finally, his face buried in her neck and breathing in her scent deeply. “You can’t leave me.” The intense male looked up and locked his gaze on hers. “I have never felt so scared until my mind raced to the conclusion that I had lost you. It petrified me more than I ever thought was possible. And because of that, I’m never going to let you out of my sight again.” His eyes were filled with unspoken promises, desperate for her to understand. His heart was already hers, he just really needed to know if hers was his.

[Onzy]

It seemed to take an eternity for those arms to be wrapped around her. Holding her close. Her teeth chattered uncontrollably and she felt so delirious that she really did see Caleb as an angel. Everything seemed so unreal. Her eyes were fluttering and her mind was heavy with a fog that was taking over every crevice. She knew he was speaking, but she had no strength to answer him. No strength to talk. She was shaking like a leaf in a gale, her petite frame not used to the rigorous activity of that day. She felt a softness over her forehead, trying her best to smile as Stellan snuffled her head. Sorry, was all she managed before she succumbed to the darkness that had been threatening her since she had ended up in the storm.

When she woke up, the sun was shining. Zoe was on a soft bed, warmth in every part of her body. The sudden light made her eyes hurt, but they slowly adjusted. She felt as if she had been hit by a train, everything hurting in one way or another. She felt hot, as if she was in a steam bath. She tried kicking off the weight of the sheets on top of her, but it was a feeble struggle. She closed her eyes again, fall back into that dreamless sleep that she had welcomed before.

Zoe knew when she woke again, this time still feeling the heat, but it wasn't as bad as before. There was still that pressing weight on her, but this time she had the strength to move it off slowly. The itching on her leg was still there, but when she moved it, it hurt. It hurt that tears sprang into her eyes. Then the darkness with no memories claimed her again.

The darkness was more natural this time. Her eyes fluttered open, and Zoe felt a strength that made her feel like Hercules. Turning her head slowly, she took in the strange surroundings. It wasn't the hospital, but it looked like the basic outline of one of the dorms. Turning her head in the other direction, she saw a sleeping Caleb, and suddenly realised where the extra heat was coming from. She was in his arms, he was keeping her warm enough. Glancing at herself, she realised she was fully clothed. Then the memories came. She had been on the trails with Stellan. She was escaping. It started raining and then everything became a blur. Caleb, she breathed, her blue eyes taking in his form. Can I be yours and yours only? she asked in the same breathless whisper, not sure if he could hear her or not.

[Sync]

Caleb kept as calm as he could when Zoe passed out. Carefully lifting her, he contemplated how to get both her and Stellan back before sighing. Holding her as tightly as he could, he grabbed Stellan’s reins and began the painful and dangerous trek back to the barns. The male, whose hair was now plastered against his head and rain drops falling mercilessly in his eyes, focused as best he could on his walk back. The straining brought on an agonising headache, and he craved his glasses. He pushed away the pain though and focused on getting both Zoe and the horse back safe. That was his priority right now. He stumbled more times than he should have as he picked his way over the muddy trail, Stellan being the only thing keeping him from dropping Zoe. Finally they hit safe ground, and Caleb looked more than relieved to see Finn and Dafydd waiting anxiously at the end of it. Handing Stellan over to Finn, he assured Dafydd that he’d bring Zoe to him as soon as she was rested.

Caleb had only just settled into the bed when Zoe woke the first time. He’d changed her into some pyjamas she had left in his room and had showered himself. Settling into the bed, and keeping his promise of never letting her go again, he held her close. He could feel her feeble struggle with the blankets and lifted them from her just enough to keep her cool. He remained awake as she fell back into a slumber. When she woke the second time, he had just drifted off himself. His arm was slung over her waist in a protective hold, never loosing contact with her. Just being able to touch her was enough. He woke not long after she had fallen asleep again, getting up to feed Jake before returning to her and pulling her tightly against his chest. He soon fell into a dreamless slumber, a small smile curling on his lips.

The third time she woke, Caleb was in that limbo between being awake and being asleep. His eyes remained shut as she stirred, unsure whether he’d get anything at all. He immediately grew alert as he heard his name, and smiled softly at her question. Turning to face her, he leaned over and kissed her tenderly, his hands cupping her face gently and his thumbs caressing her cheeks softly. “You are mine.” He murmured simply, his eyes filled with the emotions he’d been suppressing. Love, devotion, fear and anticipation. He simply adored this blonde haired, blue eyed wild child. She had captured his hard and made sure that her name was stamped upon it. “Now tell me where it hurts and then we’ll talk about why you did such an idiotic thing.” He murmured, sitting up and releasing his hold on her. Pulling the blanket down, he sucked in a sharp breath when he caught sight of the discolouring on her ankle. “Oh Zoe.”

[Onzy]

Zoe smiled into the kiss, glad for his answer. She wanted Caleb, needed him. She had done and idiotic thing and now she was paying for it. The sharp, stinging sensations in her leg was reminding her of how stupid she had actually been. Caleb looked at her ankle, and she shifted into a sitting position. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking at all. And it hurts, she murmured to him, grimacing as she moved into a sitting position. It was something that she would never forget. The cold, paralysing fear of being so lost that she couldn't find her way back and that everything was going to end with death. That was until her own big bad wolf came to find her.

I don't think I broke it, just sprained it really badly, she hissed out as she tried to move her toes. Of course it was going to be made worse by the fact that she had been in the rain and cold for however long it was. That was the worst part. She still felt the cold in her body, the rain against her skin and the wind sealing it in her skin. Feeling her forehead, she felt the beginnings of a fever, or at least she was in the middle of one. I'm also starting to get a fever, she said so casually that it would make one think that she got one every day. Jake rested his head next to her, and she shivered at the cold set in again. She stroked the dog's head, watching Caleb carefully.

Why did you come and find me? she asked softly, ducking her head to hide her emotions. What she felt for Caleb was something that she never felt before. It was love, adoration and the taste of a forbidden fruit. Caleb was the one she wanted, that she knew. Nothing could ever be that specific again. She needed him.