recoil. [onzy]

[Sync]

His oracles closed tightly, a deep sigh filling the silent air of his office. Tear tracks stained his slightly flushed cheeks, his hazel oracles still wet with unshed moisture. It had been a long, stressful day. Only now, at seven o'clock in the evening, did he have a moments peace. There had been a steady flow of students, parents and staff into his office all day. Apparently everyone had a bone to pick with him. Exhaustion was sweeping through him, ebbing at his bones and enveloping his muscles. To make matters worse, he'd had no time to mourn the loss of his little girl. Today was the anniversary of Emma's death. She had been Dafydd's first child, stillborn to Jayden and himself. His fists clenched slightly in anger as he thought back to that day, the day that had changed his life forever. It had been the turning point, starting the breakdown of his marriage. The starting block to his alcohol problem. He missed the little girl he'd never got to know more than anything. His own flesh and blood, cruelly taken from him before he could even hold her in his arms. Standing abruptly from his desk, he shut down the computer and slipped on his jacket. Only when he'd grabbed his bag did Cedar and Icey rise from their places, flanking him with practiced ease as he left the office.

The lights in the main office were already all turned off, signalling that the receptionists were done for the night. Dafydd didn't blame them for not telling him, he'd been less than social all day. The women, who doted on their boss, had sensed his distress and knew not to bother them. He made a mental note to thank them in the morning. They were too good to him. His palms scrubbed his eyes tiredly, swiping away the excess moisture that had pooled there. Turning off the remaining lights in his office as well as the waiting room outside it, he and the dogs then made a direct line to the exit. The cold October air assaulted them immediately, causing Icey and Cedar's fur to ruffle slightly. Dafydd decided to take the long route back to the flats, hoping the fresh air would clear his head a little before he returned home.

It suddenly occurred to Dafydd that he'd promised Kristin he'd be back at 5pm that evening. A frustrated growl caught in his throat as he caught sight of the time. 7:26pm. He picked up the pace, hoping that she'd be understanding or at least let him explain when he got in. Sensing their masters urgency, both dogs sped up their pace and trotted after Dafydd eagerly. In no time at all, they were faced with the entrance of the flats. The elder male pushed open the door carefully, nodding his head in greeting to Leighton Winters and Lucas Hamilton as they left after him. Normally he'd stop to chat to the two men, whom he classed as friends around the academy, but there was no time for that tonight. He took the stairs two at a time up to the flat, trying to push out images of Emma as he did so. They had been plaguing him all day, but now it was proving too much effort to shun the images. He had little energy left to do so.

He let the canines enter the flat first, both eager to escape into the warmth of their home. He followed them in shortly after. "Evening." he called tiredly, unable to hide the depth of his emotions from his words. Again, he was too tired to do so. He slipped off his shoes and placed them into the closet next to the front door along with his jacket and bag. He entered into the living room shortly after, surprised not to see Kristin there, nor in the kitchen. He decided that she must be in the twins room, so headed just there. He couldn't fight the grin that took over his expression at the sight of a giggling Brynne in her crib.

He made his way over to her, picking her up and cradling her close to his chest. His daughter crowed in delight, her tiny hands fisting into his shirt. "Hello my beautiful girl." he cooed, placing a kiss onto her forehead. He looked up when he heard the sound of approaching feet, just catching Kristin come into the room carrying Seth. His son looked extremely sorry for himself, and Dafydd's expression softened into concern. "Has the ear infection still not cleared up?" he asked, worriedly. Brynne was still babbling contently in his ear, tugging at her fathers wavy locks happily. Dafydd never really understood his children's fascination with his hair, but apparently they loved the texture.

[Onzy]

There was no break when it came to motherhood. Or well, there could have been with one child, but with twins the chance was rare. Kris was feeling the pressure of being a working mother, between teaching a class or two, riding various horses and then looking after Seth and Brynne. Dafydd tried his best, but he was at the office most of the time until late evening, and actually just played with the two before their bedtime. Weekends were slightly better when they had Ieuan and Bella babysit, or Dafydd looked after the twins while working and she went riding. It wasn’t the most proficient system, but it worked.

That specific day however had been a complete nightmare. Seth’s ear infection had returned about two days before and a visit to the paediatrician had confirmed it. Ear drops had been given, but the seven month old was frustrated and sore, and so cried almost every time he was put down to nap. He slept fitfully and that made the little boy grumpy as well. Kris was really at her wits end, but she didn’t let it show. She had cleared her schedule for that day, and had made most of the cold weather by staying indoors. Brynne was a little terror and was crawling all over the apartment, but she gurgled and laughed at everything. In looks they had inherited Dafydd’s eyes and curls, but her hair colouring and eye shape.

It was time for the twin’s afternoon nap, and while they slept, Kris caught some shut eye as well. It was only for two hours, but it was enough to recharge her battery. At about four Max arrived and took the twin’s off her hands while she started dinner. It was time that she made lasagne again, but it was a process that required her patience and concentration. Dafydd had said he would be home at around 5 that afternoon, and for some reason Kris held onto to the faint belief that he would actually be on time for once. If he worked late then he let her know, and that was almost every evening so far. It was a busy time, but she also wanted to see her partner for more than just an hour or two a day. Max knew how to keep the twin’s entertained, and she even heard the delighted chuckle of Seth. With the pasta dish in the oven at exactly 5, she joined Max in the living room. He kept Seth with him, and Kris spent some time with her daughter. The green eyed girl was starting to develop a passion for horses and her chestnut horse soft toy was her favourite. Seth also seemed to like the animal and Kris’s cremello stallion, Amor, had taken a liking to the little boy.

5 became 5:30 and 5:30 became 6. Dafydd hadn’t notified her of being late, so she was worried, but knew that if he was at the office she shouldn’t disturb him. Max had gotten that longing look in his eye when he smelt the home made food, and she had paid him with a good piece of lasagne and sent him on his way. She went to go bath Brynne so long while she waited for Dafydd after almost half an hour of doing nothing, the lasagne was in the oven with just enough heat to keep it warm and Seth was in his crib. Brynne loved the water, and played enthusiastically while Kris went through the processes of bathing her. She was a very happy baby and it showed. When she was finished with Brynne at around seven, she started with Seth, but he still wasn’t feeling well, so she just took things easy with him. Taking a thermometer, she checked the boy’s reading, and found him to be slightly feverish as well. She worried her bottom lip, wondering if she should make another visit to the doctor the following day.

Hearing the door close and the patter of feet on the carpets, Kris finished buttoning Seth into his baby grow, gave him a kiss on the forehead and went into the nursery. Dafydd was already there with Brynne and she held back a few comments that she wanted to say to him. She didn’t want to fight with Dafydd, but the urge was there. “No, and he has a fever,”

[/b] she answered tersely, going to the rocking chair in the corner. It was the twin’s bed time, and Kris needed to get Seth to have a proper night’s rest. “Lasagne is in the oven, salad in the fridge,”[/b] she said, “I’ll be out as soon as I have them asleep,”[/b]she added on. She was tired and wasn’t really in the mood for talking. She waited for Dafydd to hand over Brynne, and slowly started rocking the chair, reading them a story about some or other dog named Spot. Seth was the first to fall asleep and his rhythmic breathing was soothing. Brynne soon followed and Kris smiled to herself. It was peaceful, and Kris had become an expert at putting the twin’s down with one arm. Once they were tucked in and the lights off, she played Mozart softly in the background. Closing the door, she found Dafydd in the living room. The dogs had also taken the route of sleep and by the sound of it; the Labs had already claimed the bedroom.

“Why didn’t you let me know you were going to be late?”[/b] she asked, her tone more accusing that she meant it to be. She had only known Dafydd two years, but she loved him. After she had lost Jax, she never thought that she would ever love someone again, but a few months after the accident, Dafydd stumbled into her life, and it was the start of something else. Jax and Dafydd were similar, but Jax was a homebody and therefore enjoyed nights in more than anything else. Work was just a verb and he put in enough effort to maintain a top jumping stable in Germany, but Dafydd worked himself to death. Sometimes she did want Jax back, he was after all the first true love that she had, and Dafydd had filled that void completely. He was a special one, her Welshman, and sometimes she thought that he cared just too much, but Kris saw firsthand that the change he could bring about in troubled teens and it was a thought that vanished instantly. His caring is what made him different. It also was what frustrated her the most, because they gave all their time to the children around them, their problems and finding solutions, that there was hardly any left for their own relationship.[/blockquote]

[Sync]

Dafydd's eyes narrowed slightly at her tone, but he said nothing in response. Instead, he fixed his gaze on his daughter. Brynne seemed to sense her fathers' discomfort, and leaned forward to nuzzle into his cheek causing a smile of delight to cross his features. Her babbling never ceased, causing him to only just catch Kris's words. He nodded, giving his daughter another kiss on her forehead and handing her over to her mother. He also reached forward to run his finger tenderly along Seth's cheek, his expression growing concerned again. Seth grinned a little at the contact, reaching to clasp his father's finger before being distracted by Brynne.

Dafydd chuckled softly, before leaving the room to allow Kris to put them to sleep. Instead of going to get some food, Dafydd found himself dropping onto the sofa with a heavy sigh. Icey, seeing his master had returned, climbed up onto the sofa beside him and dropped his cranium into Dafydd's lap. The male began to scratch behind his Malamute's audits soothingly as his mind strayed once again, images of Emma filling his mind. Her still body would haunt him forever, he was sure of it.

Having not heard Kris enter the room, he jumped in surprise as she spoke. Icey gave a low growl at his owners reaction, before looking up to see who it was. He settled again, removing his head from Dafydd's lap and curling into a small ball that shouldn't be possible for a dog of his size. Dafydd himself was looking at Kris with a frown on his face, obviously displeased with the tone she used toward him. "I'm sorry, it slipped my mind that i'd said i'd come home early." he replied in a cold tone he hadn't known he was able to speak in. Sighing deeply, he shook his head a little and reached up to scrub his eyes tiredly.

"It was a painfully long day, and everyone seemed to have a problem with me today. There wasn't a moments peace in the office, a steady flow in and out until ten to seven." he told her, biting back a yawn threatening to sweep through him. "I couldn't get away for whenever I said I would, it was impossible." His words became quite defensive this time, his usually warm hazel oracles hardened. He didn't need the accusations today. Usually he'd sit back and take her telling off, but today it was as if something had snapped in him. It probably didn't help how down he was feeling due to it being Emma's anniversary. At that thought, his fists clenched tightly as he felt his eyes fill with unshed tears. Breathing deeply to calm himself, he found his eyes focused on the wall just in front of him, refusing to look at Kris at all. He knew if he did, he would snap.

[Onzy]

Kris knew that shouldn't have been taken out her problems or frustration on Dafydd. After all he was always there for her, no matter how small the problem, and she now she was biting his head off for being a few hours late. Dealing with Seth had been a trial in itself today, and Kris just was tired. Her eyes narrowed slightly at the answer, and she knew she was going to go off in a moment if she didn't remove herself from the situation. Going to the kitchen, she carried on listening to Dafydd, her hackles rising as he carried on. Kris dished up for him and herself, but she had a gut feeling that food wasn't going to be on the list when she left the room. Taking a deep breath, she picked up the plates and went back into the room. It felt as if it had dropped a few more degrees in the atmosphere, when only it was their reactions to each other.

After two years, they had never actually fought, would today be the day? And then I wonder why you have people working for you, she muttered, quite loudly, handing him the plate. Thankfully, the lasagna had just become a bit more crispy, but not burned with the extended time in the oven. Next time she was ordering take out or waiting until Dafydd was home before making dinner. She knew that Dafydd didn't tell her everything that happened at work, and she didn't mind. She had more than enough drama to deal with. There was tension in the room, and Kris couldn't take it anymore.

What's wrong Dafydd? And don't lie to me, she asked, concern marring her vocals, actually looking him in the eyes for the first time. There was moisture there, tears it seemed like, and Kris felt instantly guilty. It wasn't like her to be like this, and she wondered what had happened to make him like this. If he snapped, then she would snap back, but it wouldn't be the same. Kris also didn't want with the twins in the apartment. The sounds over the monitor were peaceful and she was thankful for that, but she had a feeling that if Seth woke up now he wasn't going to be sleeping for a while.

[Sync]

He couldn't help it, the growl sort of just slid out at her muttered words. Yes, he had staff working for him. But they were teachers. They could not give up their time to come and assist him with the office duties when they had classes to teach. What he needed was a Vice Principal, and finally they had one whom had actually been accepted for the job. "Well then, you'd probably like to know we finally have a replacement for the Vice Principal." he ground out, taking the plate down before immediately placing it onto the nearest table. His churning stomach wouldn't allow him to eat, and the anger bubbling up inside him preventing him from being able to sit still and enjoy the meal. Still he would not look at her, his jaw working slightly as he tried to calm himself. He felt too enclosed being in the flat, and the need to escape was slowly ebbing into every muscle.

Kris seemed to suddenly notice what his expression had been giving away for a while. Again, his expression hardened considerably, and he had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from snapping back. Apparently his effort wasn't enough though. "Oh, so now you notice something is wrong." he snarled, before his eyes widened at how harsh his tone had been. "Crap, I didn't mean that." he sighed out in exhaustion, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "It's the anniversary of Emma's death today." he eventually shared with her, his vocals barely over a whisper. The tears returned, slowly sliding along his cheeks. It didn't escape his notice that he still hadn't looked at her. He didn't know why, but found that he could not. Feeling more suffocated than ever, he stood abruptly. "I think I need to go out. Clear my head." he told her, edging toward the front door. Icey had began to follow Dafydd, obviously sensing his distress and wanted to keep his master in eye sight. Even if that did mean leaving the warmth of his home.

[Onzy]

Kris flinched when Dafydd snapped. Just because she had been suspecting it, didn't mean that it wasn't hard to take. She bit what she what she wanted to say, rather understanding that Dafydd was a more than a tad stressed at the current time, but what he replied with was rather unexpected. She knew about Emma, but she didn't realise that was today. Losing a child was a painful thing, one that a person never really got over. She had miscarried several times, and she had never gotten over it. Unsure if Dafydd if would let her touch him, she merely allowed her emotion to show on her face. I'm really sorry love, she said, the urge to take his hands in hers so overwhelming.

Just as she was about to reach out to him, he got up and went to the door. She just nodded at the explanation, and left it at that. Kris didn't know what hurt more, the fact that he didn't look at her once or that he didn't want to be in the apartment. Taking the plates back to the kitchen, she felt the tears coming. Silent sobs shook her frame, and she tried not to hear Dafydd leaving. He wouldn't stay, and it was as this time that she just wanted her brother. He had arrived the day before, but with Julie and settling in, she hadn't had the time to tell Dafydd why her brother had come. Today would have been the day, but now the timing just didn't seem to be right.

How could she tell him that they were expecting another child when he was remembering his deceased daughter. It was cruel actually, and she would wait until the morning, that is if he even came back that evening. Kris decided she would sleep in the guest room for the evening, giving her Welshman space. The tears wouldn't stop though, and she took the baby monitor to the bedroom she would be staying it. There was no comforting smell of Dafydd's aftershave and it felt all so impersonal. There weren't any photos and she sighed as she sat down on the bed. Kris cradled her stomach protectively, wondering how Dafydd would take the news once more. Last time he nearly keeled over, and now? Now she didn't know.

[Sync]

Intelligent blue oracles looked between his master and Kris, his usually curled tail held flat between his hind legs and audits pressed tightly against his cranium. Icey had no idea why the atmosphere had turned so hostile, but what he did know was that he didn't like it. As Dafydd pulled on his coat, he chose to ignore what was going on around him. He knew he'd upset Kris, but couldn't handle being in the same room as her right now. It was about time he stood up for himself, anyway. Right? Opening the front door, he stepped out of it and shut it behind Icey who trotted out swiftly behind him. The dark haired male immediately made his way along the corridor and out the front entrance of Hallow Flats. The cold air assaulted him instantly, whipping at his face and the bare skin on his hands. The howling it was causing made Icey give a low growl in response, his hackles raised. Dafydd ignored his dogs' antics, leaning himself against the wall behind him and giving a deep sigh. He'd messed up. Big time.

Not even ten minutes later, Dafydd found himself entering Hallow Flats for the second time that evening. His canine companion, who had finally given up his territorial growling aimed toward the wind, bounded ahead. Obviously he was pleased to be inside once more. Almost reluctantly, Dafydd opened the front door of their flat and let them in. Silently, he put away his coat and took his shoes off again. Then, making the instant assumption as to where she would be, he went to the door of their bedroom. Surprise etched on his expression when he realized she wasn't there. There was obvious panic too, but he attempted to calm himself. She'd never leave the twins alone, so she must still be here somewhere. The next room he came to was the spare room, of which he tentatively opened the door of. The sight that greet him broke his heart.

"I didn't mean any of it." he told her brokenly, entering the room with his oracles fixed on the tears trailing along her cheeks. Crouching beside the bed, his hand reached up to wipe them away. "I'm so sorry for snapping, Kris. I shouldn't have. I had no right to take it all out on you." he told her softly, his fingers still caressing her cheek gently. He then noticed the way she was cradling her stomach, his movements stilling as his eyes locked on the action. "Kris?" he asked in a calm manner that he really wasn't feeling inside. He slowly looked up to meet her eyes, questions dying on his tongue as he did so. He didn't think he'd be able to erase the image of her so saddened from his mind. Ever.

[Onzy]

Kris knew the twins were oblivious to the fact that their parents had been fighting. Well, it wasn't really fighting, more snapping and snarling at each other. Now, she couldn't help but feel that maybe the whole relationship thing had been a mistake. That maybe they had both been trying to compensate for their deceased spouses and to stop the guilt from coming. Kris didn't tell Dafydd that sometimes she saw the whole riding accident played out in her nightmares, the beautiful grey getting his legs tangled in the oxer, Jax trying to keep him balanced and the absolute chaos afterwards. The smell of horse sweat and blood mixed with the shouts of paramedics and the stunned silence of the crowd. That was what haunted her nightmares, her subconsciousness playing the worst tricks on her.

That evening she wasn't just crying for the fact that Dafydd walked out, she was crying for the loss of various elements. The children she couldn't carry to term and the guilt of having Jax ride in her place at that show. The pain and loss was hard enough to handle, but the pressure of keeping up the facade was just too much for her. Kris didn't hear the door opening again, or the patter of dog feet on the carpet. She didn't hear their bedroom door opening, or the even the one that she was in. She was to withdrawn into her own thoughts to even comprehend that Dafydd was kneeling in front of her until she felt that familiar touch on her skin. She didn't want to speak, afraid of her vocals breaking, so she merely nodded at his apology. She couldn't stay angry at him for long, it wasn't possible because she just loved him too much to do so.

Kris didn't realise that she was still cradling her stomach, the action sensitive, caring and protective. Dafydd questioned her and for the first time that evening, looked each other in the eyes. Green met hazel, and Kris drew in a deep breath, trying to find the words to explain herself. I'm pregnant Dafydd. I was going to tell you tonight, but then everything happened and, the rest of the sentence died on her lips as she took in the form in front of her. It was too soon after the twins, too soon to have another child. For years she and Jax tried to have children and now she was going to have three in the space of a year. Ironic or not, she didn't know what to think anymore. Please just say something, she whispered, the silence in the room too much for her to handle.