Post by Onzy on Jan 25, 2011 16:12:25 GMT
So this is just something that I thought would make some laugh 
All of these are true, and all apply to South Africans Long I know, but worth it
You know your from South Africa when...
• You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer
• You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
• You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
• You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers
• To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
• Hijacking cars is a profession
• You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
• The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
• "Just Now" can mean anything from a minute to a month
• You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction
• Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest car on the highway
• You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it
• A bullet train is being introduced but we can't fix potholes
• The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and road toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
• You paint your car's registration number on the roof
• Only half of your mail is guaranteed to reach its destination
• You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital
• Prisoners go on strike
• The police advise you not to stop if they wave you down in the middle of the night but rather speed past them and drive to your nearest police station
• A minibus taxi overtakes you, just to stop right in front of you.
• The police ask you if they should follow up on the burglary you’ve just reported.
• Half the city pays for the other half’s electricity and water supply.
• A murderer gets a 2 year sentence, and a pirate M-Net viewer a 6 month sentence.
• You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
• You go to “braais”regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.
• The electricity comes back on, and you check to see if there are any soccer or cricket games on TV - why else would ESKOM have fixed the electricity so quickly?
• You have a gear lock for your car.
• You come out of a friend’s house/shopping centre/office to find the gear lock worked and your car is still there, but your radio, tapes, jersey and every other removable thing you had in the car is gone, and you just sigh, shrug and go home.
• You call a bathing suit a “swimming costume”
• You call a traffic light a “robot”
• The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are
• The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just finished watching
• You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather
• You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you’ve never had any
• You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them
• You know that there’s nothing to do in the Free State
• People have the most wonderful names: Chris tmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday,Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given
• You have to prove that you don’t need a loan to get one
• You don’t stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car
• You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once
• When 2 Afrikaans TV programs are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans program, and a Zulu ad
• You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA
SA dictionary
• Amped – Excited
• Aries – Afternoon
• Awe – various meanings
• Babbalas– Hangover
• Baggies – Boardshorts
• Bakkie– Pick-up truck
• Ballie -old person
• Bankie – Bank bag filled with dope
• Biltong– Jerky
• Bleak – Disappointed
• Biscuit – Term of affection
• Blind – Embarrassing
• Boet –Friend
• Bokkie– Girl/woman
• Boot – TrunkBru – Friend/person
• Bunny Chow – Curry inside a loaf of bread
• Café (pronounced: ‘caf-fee’) – Corner store
• Check – Look
• Cherrie – Woman
• Cheers – Thanks / Good-bye
• China – Friend
• Chips – Look out
• Chop – Moron
• Cotch – Vomit
• Classic – Awesome / excellent
• Connection – Person
• Crash – Sleep
• Chunder - puke/vomit
• Dagga– Marijuana
• Dof– Dumb
• Deck – Punch
• Dodgy – Suspiscious
• Duck – Leave
• Doss – Sleep
• Dummy – Pacifier
• Eina!– Ouch
• Eish! – Exclamation / confessing confusion
• Fong-Kong – Fake
• Full on – Absolutely
• Gafoefel– To fidget with / To fool around with
• Gatvol – Fed Up
• Goofed – Stoned
• Graft – Hard work
• Granadilla – Passion Fruit
• Hectic – Extreme
• Hone – Stink
• Hooter – Car horn
• hose – Laugh
• howzit! – Hi!
• Izzit / Is it?– Oh really?!
• Jislaaik – Holy Crap!
• Jol – Party
• Juice – Petrol
• Just now – Later
• Kak – crap
• Kief– Cool/awesome
• Koki – Permanent marker
• Kombi – Minibus / Small van
• Koppie – Small hill / small person’s head
• Kreepy / Kreepy Krawly – Pool skimmer
• Kwaai– Cool
• Laaitie – Child
• Lank – A lot
• Lappie – Cloth
• Larny – Fancy
• Lekker – Cool/awesome
• Location – Informal settlement
• Lus– Craving
• Matric – Final year of high school
• Metro – Traffic officers
• Mielie– Corn
• Mif – Disgusting / upset
• Mission – Awesome / Difficult
• Moffie – Homosexual
• Muti– Medicine
• Mal – Crazy
• Naartjie– Tangerine
• Nappy – Diaper
• Né?– hey?
• Now now – Soon
• Oke– Person
• Ola– Hi!
• Pavement – Sidewalk
• Phuza– To drink
• Piss-cat – Heavy drinker
• Plakkies – Flip-flops
• Pozzie– House
• Pull in! – Come around!
• Robot – Traffic light
• Rock up – Arrive
• Rods – Underwear
• Scale – To steal / To jump over
• Sharp – Fine/ intelligent
• Shot – Thanks
• Shweet – Cool/awesome
• Sif – Disgusting
• Skat– Term of affection.
• Skedonk – Battered old car
• Skinner – Gossip
• Skollie– Riff-raff
• Skop en donna– Fighting
• Skyf– Cigarette
• S.M.S. – Text Message
• Smaak – To like/love
• Snollie– Snot
• Sosatie– Kebab on a stick
• Space Case – Pencil Bag
• Squatter camp – Informal settlement
• Squif– Skew
• Sucker – Lollipop
• Swak – Bad
• Swimming Costume – Bathing Suit
• Spliff – Joint
• Takkies – Sneakers
• Taxi – Minibus
• jommie– Friend
• Tomato Sauce – Ketchup
• Toppie– Old person
• Torch – Flashlight
• Trek – Walk
• Tune– I’m telling you
• Veld – Wilderness
• Vienna – Hotdog sausages
• Vrot – Stale
• Vetkoek – deep fried bread dough
• Yebo – Yes
• Yoh! – Expression of amazement
All of these are true, and all apply to South Africans Long I know, but worth it You know your from South Africa when...
• You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer
• You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
• You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
• You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers
• To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
• Hijacking cars is a profession
• You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
• The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
• "Just Now" can mean anything from a minute to a month
• You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction
• Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest car on the highway
• You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it
• A bullet train is being introduced but we can't fix potholes
• The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and road toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
• You paint your car's registration number on the roof
• Only half of your mail is guaranteed to reach its destination
• You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital
• Prisoners go on strike
• The police advise you not to stop if they wave you down in the middle of the night but rather speed past them and drive to your nearest police station
• A minibus taxi overtakes you, just to stop right in front of you.
• The police ask you if they should follow up on the burglary you’ve just reported.
• Half the city pays for the other half’s electricity and water supply.
• A murderer gets a 2 year sentence, and a pirate M-Net viewer a 6 month sentence.
• You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
• You go to “braais”regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.
• The electricity comes back on, and you check to see if there are any soccer or cricket games on TV - why else would ESKOM have fixed the electricity so quickly?
• You have a gear lock for your car.
• You come out of a friend’s house/shopping centre/office to find the gear lock worked and your car is still there, but your radio, tapes, jersey and every other removable thing you had in the car is gone, and you just sigh, shrug and go home.
• You call a bathing suit a “swimming costume”
• You call a traffic light a “robot”
• The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are
• The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just finished watching
• You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather
• You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you’ve never had any
• You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them
• You know that there’s nothing to do in the Free State
• People have the most wonderful names: Chris tmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday,Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given
• You have to prove that you don’t need a loan to get one
• You don’t stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car
• You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once
• When 2 Afrikaans TV programs are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans program, and a Zulu ad
• You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA
SA dictionary
• Amped – Excited
• Aries – Afternoon
• Awe – various meanings
• Babbalas– Hangover
• Baggies – Boardshorts
• Bakkie– Pick-up truck
• Ballie -old person
• Bankie – Bank bag filled with dope
• Biltong– Jerky
• Bleak – Disappointed
• Biscuit – Term of affection
• Blind – Embarrassing
• Boet –Friend
• Bokkie– Girl/woman
• Boot – TrunkBru – Friend/person
• Bunny Chow – Curry inside a loaf of bread
• Café (pronounced: ‘caf-fee’) – Corner store
• Check – Look
• Cherrie – Woman
• Cheers – Thanks / Good-bye
• China – Friend
• Chips – Look out
• Chop – Moron
• Cotch – Vomit
• Classic – Awesome / excellent
• Connection – Person
• Crash – Sleep
• Chunder - puke/vomit
• Dagga– Marijuana
• Dof– Dumb
• Deck – Punch
• Dodgy – Suspiscious
• Duck – Leave
• Doss – Sleep
• Dummy – Pacifier
• Eina!– Ouch
• Eish! – Exclamation / confessing confusion
• Fong-Kong – Fake
• Full on – Absolutely
• Gafoefel– To fidget with / To fool around with
• Gatvol – Fed Up
• Goofed – Stoned
• Graft – Hard work
• Granadilla – Passion Fruit
• Hectic – Extreme
• Hone – Stink
• Hooter – Car horn
• hose – Laugh
• howzit! – Hi!
• Izzit / Is it?– Oh really?!
• Jislaaik – Holy Crap!
• Jol – Party
• Juice – Petrol
• Just now – Later
• Kak – crap
• Kief– Cool/awesome
• Koki – Permanent marker
• Kombi – Minibus / Small van
• Koppie – Small hill / small person’s head
• Kreepy / Kreepy Krawly – Pool skimmer
• Kwaai– Cool
• Laaitie – Child
• Lank – A lot
• Lappie – Cloth
• Larny – Fancy
• Lekker – Cool/awesome
• Location – Informal settlement
• Lus– Craving
• Matric – Final year of high school
• Metro – Traffic officers
• Mielie– Corn
• Mif – Disgusting / upset
• Mission – Awesome / Difficult
• Moffie – Homosexual
• Muti– Medicine
• Mal – Crazy
• Naartjie– Tangerine
• Nappy – Diaper
• Né?– hey?
• Now now – Soon
• Oke– Person
• Ola– Hi!
• Pavement – Sidewalk
• Phuza– To drink
• Piss-cat – Heavy drinker
• Plakkies – Flip-flops
• Pozzie– House
• Pull in! – Come around!
• Robot – Traffic light
• Rock up – Arrive
• Rods – Underwear
• Scale – To steal / To jump over
• Sharp – Fine/ intelligent
• Shot – Thanks
• Shweet – Cool/awesome
• Sif – Disgusting
• Skat– Term of affection.
• Skedonk – Battered old car
• Skinner – Gossip
• Skollie– Riff-raff
• Skop en donna– Fighting
• Skyf– Cigarette
• S.M.S. – Text Message
• Smaak – To like/love
• Snollie– Snot
• Sosatie– Kebab on a stick
• Space Case – Pencil Bag
• Squatter camp – Informal settlement
• Squif– Skew
• Sucker – Lollipop
• Swak – Bad
• Swimming Costume – Bathing Suit
• Spliff – Joint
• Takkies – Sneakers
• Taxi – Minibus
• jommie– Friend
• Tomato Sauce – Ketchup
• Toppie– Old person
• Torch – Flashlight
• Trek – Walk
• Tune– I’m telling you
• Veld – Wilderness
• Vienna – Hotdog sausages
• Vrot – Stale
• Vetkoek – deep fried bread dough
• Yebo – Yes
• Yoh! – Expression of amazement
